Archive for the 'Pastiche' Category

The Tatler: My Favourite Writers Revealed

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

Emma, as presented in The Tatler Yesterday I asked the question, which of Tatler’s writers do I most enjoy reading. Come on guys I am a chap, I like to read the motoring review. But Tatler’s motoring review is one special beast, for it’s not just writing about fast cars. It is like a sexy [...]

A Missive From Mallows

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Michael Mallows, Writer, Broadcaster, Therapist, and Wit I recently e-mailed Michael Mallows on the subject of using literature in training people in the art of therapeutic communication. I wrote: Very pertinent comments about projections! Years ago in college I suggested to a tutor that we might learn something by discussing literature rather than therapeutic techniques. [...]

Marmaris: Tourist Destinations

Friday, March 16th, 2007

Gully Jimson could have painted this. Before my readers challenge your learned diarist by stating that all entries seem to be photographs of his ‘chickadees’ I decided to provide some travelogue for those surfing this web site in search of tourist destinations. Here is the electricity sub-station situated in the car park to Tespo, which [...]

Snowdon’s favorite photograph

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

Not Marlene Dietrich at The Cafe de Paris by Snowdon I came upon a photograph of Marlene Dietrich by Snowdon in an old copy of High Life, British Airways’ excellent in-flight magazine. Taken in 1955, long before Adobe Phhotoshop® came to pass, it shows the icon wearing a masculine dinner jacket and top hat. She [...]

The incredible cheek of Mr. Hugh Gallagher

Friday, December 22nd, 2006

Michael Mallows Esq. recently e-mailed me with information about the incredible Mr. Hugh Gallagher’s application for a place at university: This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, [...]

Şelale Falls

Friday, November 17th, 2006

Irem at Şelale Falls Today Amazon, Irem and I went walking in the woods at Şelale Falls. A few hundred yards up the trail we found a sign pointing to an historic water mill. There was no sign of the Mill’s machinery and much of the building looked fairly new, rather than medieval except the [...]

You Are A Messerschmitt

Friday, November 10th, 2006

The Car With Personality You may have noticed that during the course of the year I’ve published no less than three blogs on personality tests. These tests aren’t designed for any serious purpose. They indicate very little about you – and indeed – since all the options offered are pretty flattering, at least as far [...]

British Airways Does It Again!

Wednesday, November 8th, 2006

This Big Bird Was Probably More Efficient Than E-Mail!  I love British Airways. I use them whenever I can, they’re so, how should I put this, British? Take for example this latest e-mail to add to our recent saga of useless e-mails: Dear Mr Bray, Last Friday we emailed you an offer inviting you to [...]

Ecademy and Me!

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

It all started last week when I was getting up-to-date with Hannah via e-mail. Her descriptions about festivals, and the like, reconnected me to a whole world that I once knew but somehow seemed to have faded away. I hit the Internet searching for names from my past and BINGO I turned up a profile [...]

The Ten Year Hitch

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

Dunnit! Exactly ten years ago today my father in his 94th year drove his car for the very last time. The occasion was my wedding to Irem. Father was awaiting two hip, and two knee replacements and for the previous five months could only walk with the aid of a Zimmer frame – but he [...]

Guy Bourdin and Amos Beach Club

Saturday, August 5th, 2006

Guy Bourdin: Pizza, (note the masterful sloping horizon in this top photographer’s shot). I found this image by Guy Bourdin on one of his fan sites. Here are two powerful-looking women eating Pizza in front of a tropical seascape. Could we do something like this for The Amos Beach Club, I wonder? There’s nothing overtly [...]

Guy, Helmut, Peter-Paul, ~ Help!

Friday, August 4th, 2006

When Guy Bourdin or Helmut Newton were commissioned to photograph fashion, or even make pictures of cars or other machinery, they always managed to inject a sense of the macabre into their work. Of course they’re both dead now which is pretty macabre too! But when I get summoned to take a photograph of the [...]

Apartment for sale in Fortaleza, Brazil!

Thursday, August 3rd, 2006

Not the Amos Estate With the inclusion, in this journal, of the details of the second stone house to come on the market on the Amos Estate one of my readers has accused me of becoming an estate agent. I can only retort, “Alpay, were I to become an estate agent I would be one [...]

How Safe Are You In Your Own Home?

Wednesday, July 26th, 2006

A New Home For Yusuf, Perhaps? According to Rich Schefren the reason retailers install security devices isn’t to prevent people from shop lifting in their stores. Rather it is to persuade them that it’s far easier to steal from the shop next door. The United Kingdom possesses more CCTV cameras per square mile than any [...]

Makeover Madness And Cyber Art

Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

Lesley from the Borg Collective The last couple of weeks featured a number of entries about my little niece Lesley. She is in fact the oldest of my nieces, but also the shortest. Add to this an admission that she dyes her hair ~ need I say more? What more is there to say? On [...]

Special Report: The Attempt To Contact Hell From Paradise . .

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

When Stephen uses Skype to make a phone call he encounters problems with his neice’s voicemail. The USS Voyager [NCC-74656] to send a Vice-Chancellor a message about effective corporate communications.

Nothing New Under The Sun
In defence of Annie Leibovitz

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

Le Dejeuner Sur L’herbe by Eduard Manet According to American Photo Magazine top photographer Annie Leibovitz is being called out for borrowing compositional ideas from no less a personage than Irving Penn. If this is true then she is in good company, for we too have borrowed from the Venerable Penn and published the results [...]

Jameson, Unfortunately Not A Kentucky Bourbon

Monday, June 26th, 2006

I doubt If you can make a decent Mint Julep with it? I’m worried that Barry may not have received my last e-mail in which I requested that he bring me a bottle of Jasmeson whisky. He did not acknowledge the request and is flying back to Amos tonight. Perhaps it’s just as well since [...]

Globetrotting With Lesley!

Monday, June 19th, 2006

Lesley Bray with her Sherpa, who seems just as tactile as a Turkish waiter. Lesley what were you thinking about? Great news today. We received an e-mail from my highly pressurized niece Lesley. She recently returned from Nepal where she was staying with the organizer of Alf Erickson’s favourite sport Elephant Polo. Currently she’s attempting [...]

Slow and Dirty

Saturday, June 3rd, 2006

The Somerset and Dorset Light Railway was known as the ‘Slow and Dirty’ Today, in 1956, third class rail travel was abolished by British Railways. This was a catastrophe, not arguably because with the demise of the third class ticket Her Majesty’s third class subjects could no longer travel by train, thus giving Dr. Beeching [...]

Domestic Nudes by Helmut Newton, Jean-Leon Gerome and Me

Friday, April 21st, 2006

Domestic Nudes, Turkish Style The Hon. Helmut Newton wrote that his ‘Domestic Nudes’ series began by his wanting to photograph the rooms of the Chateau Marmont, Hollywood, where he spent his winters for the last twenty-six years of his life . . . . . “but who would look at my pictures of empty rooms? [...]

Good Friday ~ Roll On Easter Egg Day!

Friday, April 14th, 2006

Living in Turkey under what President George Bush, His Name Be Praised, considers to be a secular fascist Muslim dictatorship it’s easy to miss the odd festival such as Christmas, or Easter. But I guess all people celebrate the harvest like Europeans, but that won’t happen until the autumn. I was therefore truly grateful to [...]

The Slingshot Magazine: Beware Of Pale Imitations

Monday, April 3rd, 2006

As Advertised In ‘The Slingshot’ Regular readers of these august columns will note that we frequently carry an advertisement from ‘The Slingshot: The Great British Magazine for Young Chaps’. One might think that The Slingshot might be confused for that other English institution ‘The Chap’, which is a more contemporary read offering advice about how [...]

The Discovery Of The World’s Oldest Corkscrew

Saturday, April 1st, 2006

Maybe? It’s official, first Noah’s Ark was discovered on Mt. Ararat , then Mary the mother of Jesus House was found in Ephesus and now according to leading corkscrew expert and collector Alf Erickson the corkscrew used to open the bottled water at the marriage in Cana in Galilee turned up a few years back [...]

Pornography by Helmut and Me!

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

Today in Kumlubuk I too found myself in the company of some consenting adults. Here is my attempt at making pornography!

A Notebook At Random: Irving Penn ~ Reviewed

Tuesday, March 21st, 2006

My Father’s Paintbox [Not by Irving Penn] I’m unsure if I’m disappointed, or delighted by ‘A Notebook At Random’ by Irving Penn? I’m probably a little of both . . The write up in American Photo asserted: “Books that describe the creative process of an artist are often intriguing, and books that do so graphically [...]

The International Man Of The Year Competition ~ Results

Monday, February 20th, 2006

I’m truly grateful to the ever youthful Alf Erickson of corkscrewballoon.com for drawing my attention to this important International competition. The winners in reverse order are as follows: 3rd Place goes to: Albania 2nd Place goes to: Serbia and the winner of the man of the year is: Ireland Look how he romantically holds her [...]

Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Doom

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

Whatever possessed Sir Michael Gambon and Timothy Spall to appear in ‘Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire’ is beyond me!

What A Holiday In Turunç Can Do For You!

Monday, November 28th, 2005

Imperial costumes from Ottoman Turkey are currently on display at the Arthur M. Sackler Gallery, Smithsonian Institution, Washington D.C. We celebrate with a photo montage.

The Erection Set

Friday, November 18th, 2005

I don’t really see why this entry isn’t safe for work, but in deference to Andy Skelton’s sensibilities I will categorise it as such, amongst others ;-)

Put Out More Flags!

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

Is The Bank Locator a true British patriot?

Post Office Telephone Van
Not Required, Some Say!

Monday, October 24th, 2005

Just call me on my mobile . . .

Turkey Honours Mum’s Birthday

Friday, October 21st, 2005

When your mother is born on Trafalgar Day even the greatest of states celebrate the event.

Now, Once Again, Safe For Work

Friday, September 23rd, 2005

After the shock of posting those nudes just to please Andy Skelton yesterday I have decided to share details of this chat-room that protects its members by disguising your chat as a help screen from Internet Explorer.

Will Nocturnal Pigs Acquire A Taste For Flesh?

Sunday, August 21st, 2005

Official Report: It’s not a heffalump, but a piglet. Whilst the baby pig decimates the garden, mother pig keeps watch on the other side of the fence.

Remake Of Notting Hill In Turkey Denied

Thursday, August 18th, 2005

Whoopsidaisies. It’s a disease I’ve got. It’s a clinical thing. I’m taking pills and having injections. It won’t last long.

September's Featured Photographer
is David Bailey